1.11.11

The beast had come to see me in the dead of the night. It dug its nails into my heels and hauled itself over me. Before I knew what I was doing, I screamed and screamed into the dark. Through my mouth it entered and took a hold of me. In my shock I gave in, in my shame I surrendered, before I knew what had happened, that beast was me and I was the beast.

I looked into the mirror in the morning. I saw, I saw that I could not see. What would the mirror know, but for what it was shown? What would the mirror show, but for the facets that it knows? There I was before it, plain as plain could be. My hair was flat, my lips were dry, my eyebrows completely out of shape. If you saw my eyes you’d know, if you looked within you’d see, I was the beast within, I was within the beast.

I wrapped the cold around me, darkness came in clouds. In the mist I walked the night, in the fog I stalked. When I saw people, I knew what I was, for sure. For all I could see was flesh and blood, all I could hear was the sound of hearts, all I could smell was the stink of fear, and all I could feel was their anger. Fallen people everywhere, sex, drugs, alcohol, on the roads I walked all night, feeding on greed and lust.

If they searched their nightmares, they’d find my beloved beast. If you searched my beast, you’d only find me.

**

I have been having some crazy nightmares of late, and last night was particularly potent. I woke up dazed, trying to explain to myself what was happening, and what exactly I was going through. In my half-asleep state, cold and scared, my laptop was lying next to me, so I decided to write it down. I can still see her face, the woman in my nightmare now, and I can still feel that fear, nothing but that fear.
I can't judge this post yet - I don't know if it's any good, but I'm going to post it nevertheless, because right now I need to get it out of my system. The last time I wrote something after a nightmare, I wrote this.
And I still don't know what to make of it.

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